fluffnstuff | Floof to the doof

Where he loved his feet on solid ground, he felt lack luster about the whole ordeal. Bout the only thing he looked forward to was sleeping during this fiasco and getting vitamins that only came from a real sun. Not that artificial crap on the ship. His staff on the other hand was more than ready to shove him on the god forsaken transporter pad because his mood was drivin' them crazy. A mood he couldn't shake the more often they got into shit storms of 'fun' and Jane kept gettin' her ass hurt.

He hated it. And he hated himself for bein' so stuck in his own old fashioned ways that he couldn't stop himself from thinkin' he needed to do more to protect her. And where he didn't think he needed to be more 'masculine', he did feel like he'd rather be the one breakin' in her place.

Something he couldn't help thinkin' 'bout each time he patched her up. And he got quieter, too, when he did so. Cause instead of givin' her a piece of his mind for not bein' more careful, he turned it inward to his own failures. Which left him standing there at the crews' little party on the beach working on his third glass of liquor and not feelin' nearly drunk enough to feel better about himself.

Leonard never really noticed anyone. Not even when they tried to get his notice. They could flirt and push their way into his line of vision all they liked an he would barely give them the time of day. But one look from Jane and she had his full attention across hordes of people. And where he told himself not to go runnin' at her beckon call, he found his feet already moving as soon as she inclined her head. Easily moving around the groups of people, he traversed the crowd and slid into step at her side. "Losin' that partyin' edge, captain?"

He arched a brow at her as he spared a glance back at the noise and general warmth of the crew before his eyes moved back to her. And god, she was beautiful. A thought that never left the edges of his thoughts or the back of his mind. "Where ya headin'?"

Jane had noticed, of course. She'd taken note of how over the past few weeks Bones had grown quieter than usual, grousing less each time she ended up in sickbay, but she'd ascribed it to the overall tiredness that had seemed to be taking over the whole crew. Bones would be especially affected too, of course, considering how often he had to worry about injuries and accidents, some more serious than others, and Jane understood all too well how that could eat away at one's spirit.

But she'd never really thought it was because of her. Granted, she ended up getting hurt often, but nothing all that serious or unusual as of late. Nothing that should warrant the doctor worrying any more than he already did.

Her lips curved into a faint smile as he crossed the party and joined her, and she looked on ahead along the shore as they walked side by side, her bare feet splashing lightly over the tiny remnants of the waves that washed across the sand. Taking a sip from her drink, she shrugged at the question. "Just wanted a break from all the excitement."

Her gaze flicked from the sea and back to Bones, smiling around the straw in her mouth. "As far as my feet take me. You in, doc?"

"You? Breakin' away from excitement? Got a fever?" He arched a brow at her, the look entirely incredulous and meant to be faintly mocking. The idea of Jane wantin' to escape excitement mixed 'bout as nicely as oil and water. But then, he could remember times when she did. Namely her birthday. But not exclusively that.

His eyes stayed on her, even when she looked away at the water. Not that he couldn't play it off. She was in the direction of the waves and the slide of water against the shore, a fact he would take advantage of while he could. So when she returned her gaze to him with that straw in her mouth, he laughed. A soft sound lost in the wind and waves before he pulled his gaze away from her to look straight ahead.

"I followed you into space. Why would I stop now?" Into the Black. A place that terrified him and made him shiver just thinkin' 'bout it. A place that nearly killed him and her both countless times. He stepped into roles he shouldn't. Did things he'd never be able to escape his conscience over... and he'd do it again just to be standing next to her. Why would he stop now?

"Oh, shut up. Even I need some peace and quiet sometimes, you know." He knew, of course. But she really was tired right now. Part of her wanted to ditch the party altogether and just crawl under her bedcovers and sleep a whole day away, and not get up at five in the morning with an alarm blaring up and her comm bleeping with calls for her to come to the bridge.

She matched his laugh with one of her own, her free hand shoving lightly at his arm, weighing his answer for a moment and finally humming. "Mm, good. Knew you would." She drifted a little closer to him, her hand snaking around his elbow and keeping a loose hold on the sleeve of his shirt.

"Always knew I could trust you, Bones."

He purposely shot her a look that said 'make me' before rolling his eyes and chuckling. Childish, sure. But it kept him from doin' and sayin' things he shouldn't. Especially when she touched him or got closer. Or the way she put careful thought into the words he spoke to her. God help him, but he held on to the stupid little things she did to acknowledge him.

And then she just had to go and do that.

The feeling of her fingers on his arm and sliding down his forearm sent a thrill right up his damn spine and all through him. It took a goddamn miracle not to shiver in response. How the hell would he explain that? But he didn't react to those slender fingers in his sleeve until she confessed that last part to him.

Setting his jaw a moment, he ducked his head and stared at the sand before he finally moved. Lifting his arm just a little, he caught her hand in his and carefully threaded his fingers through hers. Not that he could look at her. Not when he could feel the heat in his skin crawling up his neck. Leonard merely prayed the night would hide that coloration as he ran his thumb over the side of her hand.

He weighed his words carefully before taking a slow breath. "Long as I'm breathin', swear to god, Jane... I'll make sure that doesn't change." Even though he felt like a failure. Like nothing he did was good enough to keep her safe and when it got right down to it? He felt like he was suffocatin' in the friend zone of her spectrum of important people. And the more he watched her interact with Spock? Well... let's just say he figured he lost any hope in things changin'.

That was not the move she expected from that. Honestly Jane had never thought twice about the touches they shared, because they were friends and that meant she could very well hug him or hold on to his arm or even kiss his cheek without having to explain why she wanted to do that to begin with. Which was a good thing because for a while there, she didn't know why— and when she figured it out, that reason why looked more like a trigger ready to blow up their whole friendship to pieces. And Bones leaving her close circle was just... unbearable. She'd do anything to not let that happen.

So it was with clear surprise and her heart leaping in her chest that she felt his fingers carefully threading through hers, though she at least managed not to startle at the touch, no matter how unexpected it was. Her own gaze lingered on Bones's profile for a moment, then dropped to the ground ahead, tracing the lines the waves left behind in the sand.

"Have you ever thought about," she trailed off for a moment, playing words over in her head before saying them out loud. Her fingers curled tight, holding onto Bones's hand, unwilling to let go just yet. "About how, if only one of us had gotten there half an hour too early or too late for that shuttle... we might've never even met at all?"

Angling his head just a little, he regarded her for half a second after she squeezed his hand. The question she asked made him frown, but he gave it serious thought. “No.” His voice came easy, but the point was stolid. “No, because the moment I think about that sort of ‘what if’ it starts to roll into other ‘what ifs’. Like a damn line of dominoes. What if I hadn’t pulled you onto the Enterprise to go to Vulcan? What if I didn’t slip a survival pack in your pod when Spock was an arrogant ass and dumped you on Delta Vega? What if I didn’t break my oath and play god to bring you back to life when you had to be a big damn hero.” His jaw tensed at that, his chest feeling tight.

Turning his head to look at her finally, he kept going. “What if I didn’t suck it up and fly an alien spaceship to help you save Yorktown and in essence save your ridiculous ass as well?” Cause all of that, that stuff made everything hurt worse than it already did. “Cause it is what it is. And I’m damn glad I met you. Even if you likely got the worst impression of a person you’ve ever gotten in your life.”

Even if that impression made him more drinking buddy friend material than anything else. “Cause to be perfectly honest, Jane Kirk, you made me a better person. Rather than freakin’ myself out more than I already am, just damn thankful for every moment I get… with you. Cause… well… I sure as hell wouldn’t be in space if not for you. Hell, I wouldn't want to know me if I didn't meet you.”

Jane smile at the answer at first, but it quickly died down as particularly unpleasant memories were brought back to the forefront of her mind. Those were things she didn't like talking about, honestly, even if she liked to think she'd worked past the trauma. Trauma she'd never really told anyone about and handled alone in silence. To have the captain just break down and lose her grip was simply unacceptable, and it was a point of pride to know she'd never let that happen.

"Guess that's true," she said quietly, jaw clenching as she swallowed dryly. "Guess I'd be dead by now." Bones too, most likely. And Earth would be gone, wiped from the sky by Nero. Never mind Khan; they'd never have lived to see that, or Krall's attack on Yorktown.

"I'm just so... grateful. So glad that was the shuttle I boarded. That's all I meant." Smiling faintly, she shook her head and shrugged it off. "Sorry. I know, what a damn sap. Don't know what's gotten into me today."

“You know. I’m a selfish asshole.” He said the words quietly. “Cause well… I say I did all that for you. Truth is… I did it for me. Cause I can’t stand imagining this life without you being in it. Cause I can’t exist in some space you’re not standing in…” God, it felt a lot like oxygen left the room when he couldn’t stand by her side and just… be useful for her.

Using his hand in hers, he pulled her to a stop and tugged her back to him so they were a helluva lot closer than they were before and he could face her. Leaning down, he gently touched his forehead to hers and caught her eyes so she couldn’t look away. Not that they weren’t prone to touching. He tended to touch her in subtle ways. And he more than once wrapped her up in his arms cause he couldn’t imagine not holding her.

Sighing, he tugged that damned drink out of her hand and sat it down in the sand off to the side. When he straightened up this time, he wrapped his arms around her and held her to his chest. Tipping his head down, he pressed his face lightly into her hair. “Not that it should be news to you… but I’d do anything for you.” And right now he knew he must be the worst ‘best friend’ in the history of the galaxy as he said the next words. “You are always somewhere in my thought process. In my head… I think about you more often than I rightfully should… Just… talk to me, alright? I can’t do shit to make anything better if I don’t know what’s botherin’ you. And for the record, you are not sappy. You could use a little more sap in your life. Just sayin'.”

She sucked in a breath when Bones stopped them in their tracks, and a slight tug was all it took for her to be standing much closer to him than before. It was nothing new, honestly. She'd never once minded Bones in her personal space and she always took comfort in the fact that Bones felt the same way.

But this still felt different. Like there was some sort of purpose to each of the doctor's moves. Her skin sparked at the slightest touch, fingers twitching as he took the glass from her hand, her breath catching in her throat when Bones's arms curled around her. Her hands clung to the front of Bones's shirt, fingers fisting into the fabric, her head tipping so she buried her own face to the curve of his neck.

"Bones..." she breathed softly, one hand sliding up and her arm snaking around Bones's neck. She let out a soft chuckle, her head feeling almost too light on her shoulders. "Right. Forgot you were the real sap here."

Rolling his eyes, he couldn't stop himself from pressing a kiss into her hair. One hand slipped up to tangle in her hair before he let his head lean against hers. It wasn't like he'd not held her before. He'd done this with her on many occasions for one reason or another. But never did his defenses feel so beaten down.

"Guess I am." He wouldn't lie. He'd always thought about that stupid sappy crap and spoke candidly with her. Whether with a lack of sensitivity or too much. He just didn't have a damn brain to mouth filter was all.

And god, if it wasn't damn hard to think with her face in his neck like that. "Sometimes I feel so damn useless. What purpose do I serve other than slapping a bandaid on shit." Well, more complicated than that, but M'Benga could do it just as well as he could. He used to think he was more moral support and someone she'd talk to for advice. Nowadays it seemed like she looked to Spock for that instead. So where did he fit in this crazy 'space opera'? Granted maybe that wasn't really the issue at all. Maybe he should be just honest with himself and admit he was breaking the more he had to stand in the background and say nothing about how he really felt.

She kept her eyes closed, breathing deeply as she felt Bones press a kiss into her hair. Though her heart beat fast in her chest, she felt herself relax, tension and tiredness bleeding out of her figure, as if every knot in her muscles was undoing slowly, one by one.

But his words had her pulling away a little, eyes opening as she looked up to him, hands settling on his shoulders. "You're not useless, Bones. You're CMO, you're my best friend, and you're—" she trailed off, her fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. Licking her lips, she swallowed a small lump in her throat. "You're important to me. I could never make it without you. You know that, right?"

She may not say it often or in so many words, but she never really felt like she had to. Not until this very moment, though. Now she was starting to wonder just how many times Bones had doubted himself and his own importance on board the Enterprise and kept it all to himself.

The initial fear as she pulled back settled into something mellower. A simmering sensation just under the surface as he met her eyes. Brow furrowing, he let her finish saying her piece before he smiled softly at her words. Part of him dared to hope the declaration of his importance amounted to more that just being those listed off things. But he could be reading too far into it as well.

Still. Hope was a dangerous thing.

Lowering his head, he let their foreheads touch lightly together. He sifted through his thoughts a moment, before he lifted a hand to lightly cup her cheek in his palm. The pad of his thumb slid over the cheek bone as he let out a breath. "Can't make it without you either." Sometimes he figured other than the obvious points in their history, she could very easily make it without him. Hell, Jane could move the universe if she set her mind to it.

The smile that pulled at the corner of his lips was mildly self deprecating as he spoke softly in a forced humorous tone. "Guess I am just fabulous friend material. Cause I'm sure my ex says I'm not much good for anything else." He could be 'friends' with Jocelyn, but they couldn't muster much else. And that stifled a great deal of that hope that was starting to sprout up in his chest.

Holding in a breath as Bones pressed their foreheads together, she didn't close her eyes this time around, still smiling as he cupped her cheek. She moved one of her hands to settle over it, fingertips brushing across his knuckles, keeping his hand where it was, hoping he wouldn't let go just yet.

She couldn't have done it without him, no. Didn't matter what he believed in. She wouldn't even be here if it weren't for him, she'd be long dead and buried. He'd saved her ass on multiple occasions and in a myriad of ways, literally and figuratively, and more than just not having been able to make it without him— she didn't want to.

A huff slipped past her lips as she grinned faintly, shaking her head dismissively. She tipped her head a little, the tip of her nose bumping lightly against his. "Your ex doesn't know what she's talking about," she spoke a little lower, pressing her mouth into a thin line, pausing for a few good seconds as she watched him thoughtfully. There was a lot on the line here, she knew that— a lot she could risk losing if she did what she wanted to do right now. But Bones was so close, his palm was warm against her cheek, and she couldn't really smother the hope his touches flared up in her chest.

So, leaning in just an inch closer, she brushed her lips against his, planting a very soft kiss before pulling away again, waiting with bated breath for his reaction. She just hoped it wouldn't be a bad reaction, and if it was, that she could play off the gesture somehow.

Smiling softly at the feeling of her hand on his, he arched a brow just a little at her. Her and her damn pretty blue eyes. A thought that made him huff an affectionate laugh. It wasn't just the color, anyhow. He could name off a good many reasons why he loved them other than just being 'pretty', but his mind got caught up more in the thing she said.

"Oh really?" He started to poke at her more about that. Ask her what gave her the authority to say that. Just all around teasing. Normal. But all of that died on his lips as she moved closer and kissed him. It really wasn't much. Just a soft brush of lips and god it felt like fire on his skin. Breathing in a gasp, he lifted his head just a little to look at her with bright hazel filled with a flicker of surprise.

However, he instantly moved in close again, his lips pressing to hers far more soundly. His hands shifted, fingers slipping through her hair and cradling her head as he poured all the repressed feelings into that one kiss. It was a little like giving water to someone dying of thirst. You shouldn't drink too much too fast, but he couldn't stop. Not until he was nibbling at her lower lip and pulling back slowly as he released it.

Leonard didn't open his eyes. Just let seeped in the warmth of her forehead to his as he tried to catch his breath. "Am I out of line, sayin' I am so in love with you it's becomin' a real problem with my work?"

Even though there was barely a pause between Jane pulling away and Bones closing the distance again, it still felt a little like a painfully endless wait, though the suddenness of it knocked the air out of her lungs. She sucked in a breath just as he pressed their mouths together, her eyes shutting tightly as after a moment's delay she returned the kiss, hands clinging to his shirt on his shoulder and waist.

He was a little taller than her and she didn't even realize she'd raised herself on tiptoes until he broke the kiss, a gasp spilling out of her mouth at the sudden loss. If her head was feeling light before, now it was spinning at a dizzying speed, eyes wide as she blinked them open and stared at Bones.

It took her a couple of seconds to even process what he was saying. When her brain finally kicked into gear and started to cooperate again, she grinned wide, shaking her head as she answered his question with a simple "No," then threw her arms around his neck again, head tipping to the side and lips parting as she moved in for a deeper kiss.

He had to smile into her lips as she wrapped her arms about his neck and said that one word. Not that it was an equal footing confession, but it at least meant he felt the same. Cupping her face in his hands, he slid them back into her hair before one came to rest on the back of her neck while the other trailed down her back. Pressing against the small of her back, he splayed his fingers out as he pulled her closer and against his body.

Licking into her mouth, he took time to memorize her taste and feeling of her mouth and the way her lips felt so soft against his. Suckling on the lower lip, he drew the tip of his tongue over it before letting it go so he could press in and kiss her again. Something that was fast becoming his new favorite thing in life.

It felt a little like floating. Leonard didn't realize just how much he wanted to be this close to her till he got to see what it was like to kiss her. And god, he wanted more than to kiss her. When he broke the kiss, he turned his head to touch their noses together. "Can I keep you?" He teased softly and kissed the corner of her lips before nuzzling over her cheek softly.

It wasn't that she didn't feel the same necessarily, just that she wasn't quite as quick as Bones to jump to a confession like that. But of course he would, go straight for deep, meaningful and overwhelming, enough to sweep the ground from beneath her feet, turning her upside down.

And Jane was more than familiar with not having a ground beneath her feet, but this still trumped that.

She sighed into the kiss, body relaxing and all but melting against Bones's, fingers of one hand sifting through the short hairs at the back of his head while the other fisted the fabric on the back of his shirt. She was a little breathless when the kiss broke, eyes still closed as he nuzzled across her cheek, a faint smile stretching her lips at his words. "You've always had me, Bones."

He paused and chuckled, his breath spilling over her jaw and neck as he hummed a low sound. "Guess I missed that memo." Part of him knew he should have not missed it. He should have seen something. Anything, maybe? Or maybe not. He never was too good at noticing feelings turned toward him even if he did notice most things oriented to Jane.

Softly smoothing her hair back, he pressed his lips just under her ear in a light kiss. From there he nuzzled the line of her neck before nipping at the line of her pulse teasingly. "Truth be told, it's the same. Always had me as well."

Sighing a long breath, he finally just wrapped her up in his arms and held her close to him. "Well, guess it's damn good timin' and all that. Bein' as it's our first leave in god knows how long. That mean I get more rights to intrude on your time?"

"Too busy being grumpy about space, if you ask me," she teased, but honestly she had gone to great lengths to not let her feelings for the doctor show. Though she was never one to shy away from taking risks, this time around it felt like she was just risking far too much.

"Mm," she hummed in agreement, sighing as she closed her eyes and tipped her head to the side a little. "And I'm about ready to stun the first person who comms us about some emergency." Because honestly at this point, she could not care less. Starfleet had plenty of active ships, they could very well assign other crews to deal with emergency situations. Crews that weren't currently docked and enjoying some well-deserved time off.

Her hands slid down from Bones's hair, nails dragging lightly down his neck until her palms pressed to his shoulders. "Well, I've got a history of intruding on your time. Seems only fair, don't you think?"

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up princess, the only reason I'm in space is to follow your ass around." And if he were a lesser man, he'd comment on what I fine ass it was, but he kept that tidbit of information to himself. Thinking it was one thing, sayin' it out loud was just not befittin' a gentleman.

Fingers carefully drew her hair back over her shoulder as he kissed along the line of her neck. Nipping at that spot where neck met shoulder, he chuckled again, a sound that was more vibration than tone. "See, when you talk like that I just want to do things to you that a CMO shouldn't want to do to their captain." The regulations they were breaking just being this close were already piling up.

Shivering at the feeling of her nails against his skin, he closed his eyes. "I don't want to let you out of my sight right now."

Jane let out a faint laugh at that. "Guess you're just lucky it's such a nice ass to be following around." Because Bones might be above that sort of comment, but Jane definitely wasn't. And she enjoyed being able to tease Bones far too much not to do it.

Head dropping to the side a little, she let out a soft sigh, eyes closing and her skin warming in response to the path Bones's lips took. And she was perfectly happy with where things were going if not for Bones's next words. "Bones—"

Her hands tightened on Bones's shoulders, and she tugged lightly, urging Bones to pull back a little so she could look him in the eye. "Bones. I'm not your captain right now. Okay? I need you to understand that."

That got a huffed laugh as he tipped his head back, eyes closed. "Of course, you'd say that. Not sayin' it's true." Smiling brilliantly, he leaned in closer and kissed his her lips again sweetly. Cupping her face with one hand, he closed his eyes and soaked in her presence and just the knowledge of that he could finally admit to what he wanted most in life.

Lifting his head as she nudged him, he looked at her curiously, a brow rising slowly. His hands slip down, resting on her hips as he waited for her to finish. And when she did, he let out a slow breath. Leonard didn't quite understand why she would want to make that clear, but hit tried to piece it together.

"Jane... to be quite honest, I rarely think of you as that when we aren't on duty. You're my best friend and well... long time ago I crossed that line. Why does that worry you right now, darlin'? Talk to me?"

"Are you saying it's not true?" She said it with a feigned tone of offense, managing a shocked expression for about half a second before she was grinning again, her smile pressed against Bones's lips as he leaned in for another kiss. She could get used to this, honestly.

When the kiss broke, and after she spoke, she watched Bones quietly for a moment, pressing her lips thinly before finally lifting her shoulders in a shrug and shaking her head. "I'm not worried. Just wanted to clear that up."

She didn't really think she had to worry, though. Bones had always been her friend and they'd been close since their first year at the Academy, so she knew he'd never look at her and see just his captain. But she also didn't want him worrying about whatever protocols they may or may not be breaking when they were kissing or holding each other this close. Besides, she honestly couldn't care less about what rules they might break.

Laughing at that, he hummed a soft sound as he arched a brow meant to be teasing more than anything else. "Well, I didn't say that." He intoned in a sing song voice as he licked at her upper lip sweetly.

"Jane, I can't promise I won't worry about someday this comin' t'bite you in the ass later. I know how much being a captain means to you." And he refused to take that away from her. Smoothing his fingertips over her cheek, he kept his eyes on hers. "But not gonna worry about that right now. Don't think I could make it much longer stayin' away from you."

He suddenly laughed a little and as his hands slipped down her back to rest just at the small of her back and not daring to drop lower just yet. "I don't know what I would have done if I had to keep dealing with you pickin' people up every which way. It was gettin' damn hard to stay out of it." God, the jealousy was gettin' ridiculous.

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